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 My name is Hamilton.

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Hero Man

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PostSubject: My name is Hamilton.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 3:36 pm

Most of you already know me and the story of what's happened. There's a lot of new faces though, and a lot of recent changes that have been made in my life. New views, new experiences; a learning curve, one of life's many. So allow me to re-introduce myself. I am Hamilton.

I've been affiliated with the RLSH for a while now; I think I was about fifteen when I first became interested. It's been a long road, but I take insane pride in how far I've come, how far I've come from before I even got interested in the thing. I've had a lot of aliases, 204 being one of the first names I used as it was my designation back at the School; an underground prison/lab for kids. I was experiment XXIV; 204 for short. I went through other names; Hero Boy, Hero Man, Some Guy, Jon Gull, Superboy, etc.

But now I'm here today. Pondering how weird and wild life has been, wondering if it's like this for everyone or if my life is just exclusively, uniquely fucked up. I want to believe things happen for a reason, but I can't. I don't know why. In my experience, huymans are just biological clockwork; nexuses of chemical reactions and electrical impulses firing off in their brains, making them do the strangest things. I want tobelieve that the good will be rewarded and the evil shall be punished, but I have seen too many evil people get away with it, and too many good people get dealt the worst hands life has to offer, which leads me to conclude that life isn't fair. The evil will not be punished all the time, and the good are rarely rewarded for their valiant acts.

And at times I sorely question why I continue to build up[on my vision of a better world, but wheras I used to be stymied as to what to do, it came to me clearly now. I do what I do, because it's just who I am. It's what I was built to do. I am the architect of my fate, every descision I've ever made, everything that's happened to me, every little, seemingly insignicficant action; it was all b ringing me here, to this spot. I chose this life in my actions, and I am the one responsible for everything that's happened to me. I used to feel such resentment. I desperatey wished to myself in sorrow for years that I had never wrote that note all those years ago. That's when it started. If I just hadn't gone to the restroom at that moment, maybe none of this would have ever happened, I never would have been taken, I never would have had all those horrible things that have happened.

I still cry myself to sleep occasionally. Reliving my worst nightmares, feeling the cold concrete floor beneath my naked body. The ominous hum the walls made. Like a cave. I still hear their screams in my head, I can still see the crusty blood cemented to the stone walls of my cell. It sucks. Life sucks, shit happens. But everyday I am reminded of the power of the human spirit, we can overcome anything. Because it's us. I am the architect of my fate. I am the builder of my vision. If I can overcome what's happened, I know I can overcome whatever is next to come. And for sio many years I'vebeen honing my mind, body, and emotions towards the peaks of perfection, scared to death of ever becoming a victim again, scared to death of never being enough. But when I reflect on all that's happened, everything I've accomplished, the thousands of kids I've saved, the cities I've helped save from hellfire, reflecting on when I was a little kid being poked and prodded and experimented on, I've suddenly realized, that I am enough. I'm enough for me.

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Tothian
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:24 pm

Hamilton,

As always, welcome to the Heroes Network. And thank you for sharing such deep thoughts with us.
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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:24 pm

Thanks; any time. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:58 pm

Yes, welcome back. I know a person who I havnt had touch with in years . . . wonder how shes doing. . . she wasnt exactly that(your tale) but is related to the letter bit. She fell for a young boy, and he for her for a short while. 6 or 8 years apart but both under 24. they tried a secret relationship that was fun so I was told. one day the boy ratted her out to his mother. a no contact order was formed. its a lil foggy from there but what i was told, and i belive her, was that they lived across the street from 1 another. the boy kept coming to her driveway and gazing into her blinded window. scared for His safety she wrote a letter to him and left it under a bridge. she wouldnt tell me more bout that but she was foud out then the order of protection no contact thing became a restraining order. along with some fines hours and therapy. had had she had not wrote that letter... well you know. She was doing well. surviving if aything. she was bad with money though. everytime she got some she spent it istead of saved it for a few months. in the end she couldnt pay the fine. maybe she did though. I met her as she said 2months from her court date. 1300 in 2months is tough if you ask me. think she started to run instead of waiting it out. Some part of me likes to belive she became a vigilante. I would if that happened to me.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Thu Aug 29, 2013 12:56 am

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like the place she was at was a little different than the place I was at haha.

Personally, I feel vigilantism is wrong. Looking for trouble is stupid and dangerous. If trouble finds you, deal with it swiftly and safeguard those around you. But instead of hitting the streets like Batman, I feel it's preferably to focus on issues a little closer to home in your family, your job, your friends, your life basically. I focus on myself and my own life rather than other people or exterior crisis, (unless my bosses send me to one of those exterior crisis as that's what my job entails haha).
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Thu Aug 29, 2013 1:54 pm

bosses?
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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:27 pm

I'm a Wildland Firefighter; I help save cities from the most destructive forces on the planet. XD

My bosses are 1. My Engine Boss; we patrol in either D-41 or D-32. My other boss 2. Is also my boss and my other boss's boss, that Incident Commander, and he's in charge of my boss and I, and his boss is Danny in Dispatch, and his Boss is Al, and Al is so far up there, I don't even know what he is exactly; I'm not important enough. I'm an FFT2, (firefighter type 2). My job is to do whatever I'm told no matter how crazy and dangerous, and to remember who all my bosses are on top of it, haha XD
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Wildcat

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:29 pm

well come to heros net work i am youer frinedley neabor hood counsler support and chat mod and i bid u well come my name is wild cat wellcome a bord
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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:06 pm

Hello Wildcat; thanks for the warm welcome. I believe we've met briefly before.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:08 am

Sounds sound. Almost like a military.

Wildland as in you protect the Earths hair, yeah? Wish I was a firechaser. It'd keep me on my toes.


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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:06 pm

It's a lot like the military; only you don't have to kill anyone. Well, the fire, but the fire is the enemy. It's in the trees! It's sneakin' up on us! It's running" All military enemy moves haha. All the while your carrying a pulaski the whole way in your arms, lots of us shift to rifle position because are arms can't hardly hold it anymore. A pulaski doesn't weigh much; just eight pounds. Carry it for 16-17 hours depending on whether or not you get trapped or stranded, helluva workout. Exclusing the 120 pounds of gear on your back, the chainsaws, the cans of gas, the five gallon tubs of water, oh, and the ten mile hike back to camp through the mountains of bumfuck nowhere Alaska. No even GOD would see us out here; we're on our own....man i love it XD Every day brings something new and exciting out there.....gets a little tiring haha, but when you go to get your five thousand dollar paycheck, it suddenly doesn't seem that bad and you go from "Man I can't do this anymore!!!" To "...I wanna do it again.". XD

I think ever eighteen year old should give it a try, best thing in the world for kids our age; pack on some serious muscle, get awesome training and first aid skills, get awesome camping and wilderness survival skills, lose A LOT of weight from all the hiking; it kinda looks weird because at the end of a tour your super skinny, but really buff, like...."Ultimate Spiderman". I used to think I looked like Ultimate Spiderman....Now I really do, haha.

All you gotta do is find your local DOF (Department of Forestry) and sign up, take the Pack Test (you'll have to train for this; it's three miles with a fifty pound fedco strapped to your back, and you have to do it in less than forty five minutes. I did it in forty minutes. I got winded the first time and didn't make it. Trained for a while, went back, nipped it in the butt. Great feeling to. This job will either make you or break you.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:09 pm

It's like getting paid really well to go camp and workout haha. If you can make it fun, more power to ya.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:23 pm

Oh, Wildland as in forest fires. Most of what we do is....dig. XD We see a big fire, and we go dig a ditch around it. In between we put out run away fires that arer creating more heads, we keep our SA up (Situation Awareness) and we always have escape routes to safety zones. We dig, flap, and haul. With Hot Spots, (patches of earth that are smoldering or smoking heavily or glowing or wahatever fire behaviour sign is present, we first dig a mini trench around it, then pull it up with the hoe of our pulaskis, up and folding it onto itself so that it burns itself out in the Black (that patch of earth that has already been burned and so there are no unburned fuels which could be used to carry it. You learn a lot of efficiency skills, how to use your time and how to get things done as quickly as possible....though I like to milk it a little bit; I get paid by the hour haha. Firefighting is fun but really hard. Particularily wildland. I respect structural guys but we sometimes make fun of them "Gee I wish I could sit in an engine all day and just drive up to where all the fun is. Wildland is way more difficult, way more boring, way more taxing, and way more dangerous because when your with the same 16 guys for two to three weeks, people start going a little crazy. Not enough food or water, and people start getting a little moody, then cranky, angry, rageful. Not thinking clearly. ALl of them wielding an axe or chainsaw or some other deadly weapon. A lot of the scary stuff that happens to us is 90% Human Factors on the Fireline. Except me, I'm actually more comfortable in high stress life and death situations because I grew up with that which is why I love this job so much. It's very structured, very organized, like an institution. All I have to worry about is doing what I'm told. And watching out for my brother firefighters of course. That's the part that is unlike where I have been. We never watched out for one another, but I love doing it. Lots of things to watch out for too. Some of the scary bugs indeigenous to the fire environment only; like you don't see them unless there's a big forrest fire. One of them we have took to calling "Stump Fuckers". One got stuck in my shirt one day. It'
s a big beetle/wasp looking thing, bright red and black, huge wings, and a four inch curved stinger. It flies into the burned off stumps, inserts it's stinger, and lays it's eggs, hence the name Stump Fuckers. Nasty buggers. The fireline is like it's own world. At any second you can fall into an ashpit and burn alive. My feet got boiled up there because when I was digging some line the hot pile got pulled back onto my boots, heating up the moisture in them from the sweatm, and slowly beginning to boil my feet. Watch out for that too; always make sure to pack down and stand on your pile haha.
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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:25 pm

Oh, and for putting out flames, we use the hoprizontal edge of our pulaskis as a flapper to beat the flames out. Dig, flap, and haul. (haul as in carry loads)
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:28 pm

Now that is 1 of 2 job jobs I'd like. What makes it better than underwater welding is you dont seem to need to go to school. I hve the determination to get through things, but school just makes me feel the same way when I smoke cigs. It slows down time. Its fun(school) but Im not big on authority of tht kind. A boss is different. I dont pay my boss. If a boss is paying me Im unemotional to the strain and negatives. They just wont get to me. If I were paying them and they kept being a tyrant to Me. Well..

Lets see if theres a DOF near me.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:36 pm

What city are you from? I'll see what I can find.
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:44 pm

I found the one for Illinois, it has a "new!" wildland fire section. I couldnt load through it though.

Kane county. Nearer to mchenry I gues
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:26 pm

relly wow i am glad u rember me i am honnerd:) 
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Hero Man

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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Sat Aug 31, 2013 4:04 pm

Of course. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:04 am

Welcome again my friend. I know I'm newer here than you but still figured I'd extend a warm welcome regardless.
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Tothian
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PostSubject: Re: My name is Hamilton.   Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:35 am

Hamilton and Aftershock. I kind of have a feeling you two will get along great.
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My name is Hamilton.
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